I’ve been trying to fulfill this…if I were to gauge how much I have, I’m looking at 40%. 40% I do what I love. I’ve ran a few 5k. I workout 5-6 days a week. I’ve competed in Crossfit. I’ve explored some local spots. I’ve planted. I’ve eaten. I’ve sipped. But that’s only 40% of my happiness.
I am currently off of work for about 5 days. Some days were planned, others were not. But in these 5 days, I’ve experienced many things that I would have never experienced if I had been ‘stuck’ at work. (Yes, I consider being there stuck. I am completely unfulfilled by my job.) I heard and saw birds I have never seen nor heard before and don’t even know the names of. I experienced happiness, stillness. I felt the presence of the ‘now’.
I recognize my lack of happiness within my personal life and career. That’s the missing 60% of my life. The career holds me back. I have to work so many hours to make enough to afford life. My home holds me back because I have to pay so much to live here, so I have to work as much as possible to afford rent. I can’t afford to move on in my life, though I’ve reduced all frivolous and unnecessary spending. I wait for a blessing. A sign. A hand waving me in another direction, welcoming me to my next stage, while I continue to work away my days…
And become another day closer to death.
I’m not a fan of being negative at any level in my life. These few days has solidified my feelings and if anyone out there has had any experience with this vicious circle of spinning your wheels in the mud, I’d love to hear how you’ve found your way out.