It’s challenging to not allow self doubt to enter your mind. Heck, even external doubts I receive when I open up about what I want to do within the next eight and a half weeks. The goal is to just keep on trucking, keep to the plan, and do not waiver. Even more so-do not get distracted! There are way too many distractions in place, so utilizing timers and reminding myself to keep the focus has been helping.

Whoever said keeping reality in check while trying to make a big life change and decision on your own is easy…well, that is very admirable. I set my days up for success by doing a simple journaling practice I learned from a podcast with Charles Poliquin, a well-known athletic trainer.

Start the day by writing what you are most proud of today-as if it has already happened, followed by three things you are grateful for. Just before retiring to bed, contemplate about something you have learned today, three fantastic things that happened over the course of the day, and three things you can do better. I like to add in at the end simply what I have done today that has brought me closer to my goals. Just one thing.

This journaling practice as absolutely helped change my focus and given me greater daily satisfaction by realizing how much I have to be grateful for and where to improve on my daily journey.

So for today – gratefulness, mental strength and clarity, with focused determination is in order as I march forward in truly living.


Try, try again

Changes can thrill and they can scare. There is so much comfort in remaining in the same place and standing still. Keep things the same….remaining in status quo.

Some of my biggest challenges include: low income, no savings or retirement, two dogs (5 & 13 years old), I have celiacs, Hashimoto thyroiditis, eat little to no packaged foods, TRY to be as eco friendly as possible, am a constantly evolving minimalist, and a mother of a brilliant daughter with another year of college – who plans to go right to PhD after graduation.

Just over four weeks ago I underwent spinal surgery.

Obviously during this time post operatively, I have been out of work and have lived more life than in the past fifteen years. Granted I’ve spent more time on the couch snuggling with my dogs and watching movies trying to recover, but even more time walking the trails available to me just outside my front door. I’ve learned what the calls of cardinals and blue jays are. I’ve watched the sunrise and sunset. I’ve eaten healthfully. I’ve gotten rid of more unused, unnecessary items in my home. The love of my life has come all the way across the country to visit his family and I’ve been able to spend time with him.

I’ve decided this is the time for me to finally live my life. It is unbelievable how much time is wasted driving to work and doing what used to bring you happiness and fulfillment and no longer does. How much I’ve missed. Time. Sunrises. Sunsets. Exploring. Reading quality books. High quality relationships. Nutritious movement and foods. The list goes on for days.

I don’t want to waste time anymore, waiting for ‘someday’. If I don’t bite the proverbial bullet and make a move, I feel I never will. Heck, it’s been nearly three years I’ve been saying that I’d do all these things, yet here I am. Same place, three years later. Three years older.

I’ve spend the last week or so pursuing RV options. I’ve missed out on a few good ones, so going forward I aim to be more aggressive with contacting the sellers of the RVs I am interested in. At this time of year everyone is dumping old RVs and buying new ones. First lesson learned in this progression of my journey. Act fast. Speak up or lose out.

I’m considering simply modifying my minivan for the short interim to just get the wheels turning, pun intended. Thereby saving some money while I find the appropriate RV to move forward into traveling and living a simpler, quiet life.

I’ll let you know how it all pans out.

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear comments, ideas, personal experiences…


How to unstick the stuck

I’ve been trying to fulfill this…if I were to gauge how much I have, I’m looking at 40%. 40% I do what I love. I’ve ran a few 5k.  I workout 5-6 days a week.  I’ve competed in Crossfit.  I’ve explored some local spots.  I’ve planted. I’ve eaten. I’ve sipped.   But that’s only 40% of my happiness. 

I am currently off of work for about 5 days. Some days were planned, others were not. But in these 5 days, I’ve experienced many things that I would have never experienced if I had been ‘stuck’ at work. (Yes, I consider being there stuck. I am completely unfulfilled by my job.) I heard and saw birds I have never seen nor heard before and don’t even know the names of. I experienced happiness, stillness. I felt the presence of the ‘now’. 

I recognize my lack of happiness within my personal life and career. That’s the missing 60% of my life. The career holds me back. I have to work so many hours to make enough to afford life.  My home holds me back because I have to pay so much to live here, so I have to work as much as possible to afford rent. I can’t afford to move on in my life, though I’ve reduced all frivolous and unnecessary spending.  I wait for a blessing. A sign. A hand waving me in another direction, welcoming me to my next stage, while I continue to work away my days…

And become another day closer to death. 

I’m not a fan of being negative at any level in my life. These few days has solidified my feelings and if anyone out there has had any experience with this vicious circle of spinning your wheels in the mud, I’d love to hear how you’ve found your way out. 

Punk rock revival

Henry Rollins. I have always had a serious fantasy land crush on this man since the day I first heard Black Flag in the late 80’s. Last night I was extremely lucky to be part of a sold out crowd of his current tour. Fucking brilliant…as I already knew. I was blown away by his philosophies, how he conducts himself; he just solidified everything I believe in. Gave me hope that there is hope for humankind. There is still humanity in this world. 

It’s so hard to be charged to the hilt with your beliefs and to play them out everyday. We all, myself included, become such GD sheep. I see through the Man’s plan, so I fight against it, yet there is so much more I can be doing. Stop being so resistant sheep. Stop and think for yourself. 

Henry was right. We are complacent. Apathetic. Egotistical, hating, racists, homophobic, fucking sheep. I have been watching this for a long time. When someone screams it in your face reminding you of it, somehow it hits like a ton of bricks. So what to do? For me I need to do more of what I said I was going to do. Be more human

I’ve been brought back to not only my childhood roots, but to all the knowledge I’ve gained since then. Now to find the voice, the energy, the avenue, the context to be that better person. 

Be more human. 

Minimally eight and a half months 

Recently I’ve been looking around my home, realizing the impact of adopting a minimalist lifestyle. I am much happier, less stressed, and feel lighter. My home has been slowly whittled away to essentials and then some. I have more work to do. More tasks, more whittling. 

At first it was a rapid process with so much so obviously unnecessary. I don’t know why I felt the need to have so many linens, bottles of crappy chemical based hair products, and underwear!!!! If it was on sale, I bought it. I might need it or it was too good of a bargain to pass up. Every now and again I catch myself thinking I might need it. I remind myself just how much I won’t. I’ve had people say I have great willpower, I can’t say it’s willpower; it’s more being logical and having a clear definition of how I want to live.

There is a long history of a poor relationship between food and myself. Long. Not only that but my life and food intake was depicted and dominated by how much it weighed, how many grams of protein, fat, or carbs I was eating. I weighed and logged 99% of what I put into my mouth.  Making sure I ate four to five times a day.  I was a slave food and to the food scale.  I loved bodybuilding but this part of the lifestyle had to go.  January 1st I gave it up. September 1st I let go of just eating because it was ‘time’ to eat. Now I try to eat just when I’m hungry.  

As part of minimalism, consuming less commercially made products is on my list of goals. Less to zero single use items, less packaging, less toxins, less waste.  No more lotions, hair products coconut oil works great. Lush brand shampoo bar and conditioner or baking soda and apple cider vinegar. Making my own laundry detergent and toothpaste, reduced the amount of commercial deodorants -I’m an athlete and until I find something that works for my workouts…

The amount of simplicity I have found, from cleaning to cooking to enjoying life and all of its little moments, it has been abundantly gratifying. Letting go of things and ideas of how you thought it was supposed to be is unbelievable and freeing. The next few months should be interesting as we head into cooler and colder temperatures, keeping up the ideals in spite of the dark, dreary, dull dats. 

Time best spent as a humanitarian over an employee 

I went back and read over some of my previous WordPress posts. I see that I have made progress and change in my life over the last eight months. It made me feel really good.  I have been so focused on what I can’t do because of money, swollowing up all the changes I had made, inspite of not having money to spend outside of basic needs and housing.  

I could work day and night to increase my financial abilities and not be living the life we are blessed to have. I’ve worked fifty to sixty hours a week. I worked so much I never saw my child, I ended up so anemic my thyroid shut down. Albeit I was vegan at the time, but was so run down, emotionally, physically. I am unwilling to go back down that road. It’s not that I’m not willing to work hard, I do work hard. Forty five hours of my week are dedicated to working for someone else. 

I’ve been practically no where. I’ve done practically nothing. I just got my first passport, still empty. I want to be able to have stories to tell about my life, to grandchildren, nieces and nephews, the world. I want to give back to the world, I don’t have much by myself and I know I can do plenty of things with that.  And in doing these things, inspire others to live their life, to give back, to do more. 

Currently have two important to me events on the same day I’m working to raise money to do and to donate more on top of myself. A four mile steeple run for hunger and beach clean up through the Ocean Conservatory. September 17,2016. 

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Finding life’s riches

It’s an uphill battle. All of it. Love. Life. Day to day. Finding what you love and doing it. None of it’s easy and there’s no instruction manual. I’m the kind of person who just kind of flies by ther seat of their pants. Not because I’m blessed with the resources to do so, nope, quite the opposite. My resources are few and hard to come by.  Everything I want and need to do need to be given months to get it done, strategic planning, with many fall backs included. 

I wish nothing more to reduce the things that own me. But there is no way to completely disown everything. I will always be owned by something. We all will. An abode of sorts, vehicles, pets, children, clothing, heirlooms, daily ‘necessities’. I feel like I am at a point in my life I’d like to be without more than I’m with. Of course, there are some serious exceptions for me. My beautiful daughter (who is grown), I will never be without a dog by my side. When I say I want to be without its the belongings. I don’t need all the cups and mugs and plates and clothes. Especially if that means I can live where and how I want. 

Now the journey to get myself there is the perplexingly complicated task at hand. Shouldn’t be so complex I suppose. But it is for me…am I making it more complex than it needs to be? I am ready go find out. I have 2-3 months to get it all thought through and put into motion. Two to three months is my goal. My eyes are on the prize. Just how to get there what is my path my plan where to find the financial means to do it. In the meantime I need to quench my soul. My soul feels lost right now. Is it I just need the love of my life to help me squash this unrest? Is it I just need to see progress in my new direction? I need something and I can’t put my finger on it.